Take Me Back To The Start
by CallMeMadamSecretary
Summary: Conrad's second term as president is coming to an end which means so is Elizabeth's time as secretary of state. Elizabeth and Henry's marriage has been on the rocks for years now because of her job and all that it entails. Will they be able to save their marriage or is their relationship over?
1. Chapter 1

**Take Me Back To The Start**

**Chapter 1- Do you still love me?**

As Elizabeth lay in bed she couldn't help but look over at her sleeping husband. He was still so handsome after all these years. 31 to be exact. This is how she would spend most of her nights these days. Wondering when everything went wrong and why they couldn't have the relationship they did before she became Secretary of State. She knew the reason for their failing marriage though. It was because she was Secretary of State.

She blinked a few times before sighing and rolling over onto her side, trying to will herself to sleep. Sleep usually never came though. When she first took the job as Secretary of State she told Henry that she would quit in a heartbeat if the job threatened what they had. She wished he would have just listened and told her to quit. Elizabeth knew in her heart she was to blame also. She knew that the marriage was starting to fail a few years into her term and she decided to continue her job anyway. She figured that if Henry didn't care than why should she?

Eventually, Elizabeth started drifting off to sleep but what felt like minutes later her alarm started blaring in her ear. She groaned lowly and reached over to the night stand to silence the noise. She looked over at Henry's side of the bed and sighed when she didn't see him. Elizabeth laid in bed for a few more minutes before throwing the covers off of her and started her way downstairs.

"Hey you." Elizabeth said with a small smile as she made her way into the kitchen.

"Hey yourself." Henry said with a smile to match hers, flipping over the pancakes that were on the skillet.

"Smells good." She whispered as she made her way behind him, snaking her arms around his stomach.

This is about as close as they had been lately and she was starting to crave the feel of his body against hers. When Henry turned around to kiss her head she looked up at him lovingly, rubbing his sides before she made her way into the dining room. She knew that they were both trying as hard as they could to be the most loving couple they could be but the tension between them was undeniable.

She had started noticing a change between them once Alison and Jason were finally out of the house. Empty nest syndrome was starting to set in for Elizabeth and she delved more and more into her work. As Elizabeth took more time away from the house Henry started doing the same and soon enough they really only saw each other late at night when they came in from work. They barely communicated like they used to and when they did it was just pleasantries. Nothing of substance like they were used to.

She sat down across the table from Henry as he placed the pancakes down, smiling a little at him. She would do whatever she could to try and make this relationship work. The last thing she wanted was to lose him completely. Divorce was never a topic they discussed and if things did not start changing she was afraid that one of them would bring it up.

"How about you meet me for lunch?" She asked and raised her eyebrows at him.

Henry's brow furrowed a little as he started to eat, he couldn't remember the last time they had actually eaten lunch together. It might have been a few years.

"I would like that." He said and smiled back at her, noticing that she was trying to put some effort into their relationship lately. Something he desperately wanted from her.

Elizabeth ate her pancakes quickly and looked at the clock, sighing softly "It's that time again." She said with a small laugh and got up, going over to kiss Henry quickly.

Henry nodded and kept his eyes on her, "I'll see you at noon." Elizabeth nodded and quickly made her way upstairs to get ready for the office.

She made her way into the state department about an hour later and sighed as she plopped down in her chair. As always Blake was right there when she arrived, ready to perform any duty she needed.

"I feel like a sitting duck. Everyone just waiting until the President's term is over so they can take over everything we've done." She said, smiling at Blake. "You know if you want to stay here I'll put in a good word for you."

"With all due respect ma'am, I appreciate the offer and everything you've done for me but I think I am officially retiring from the state department. It's been a wild ride with everyone but I think I've had enough stress from the last six years to last me the rest of my life." He said and nodded at her, "I think it's time for a vacation."

She laughed and stood up as she saw Nadine rush in, patting Blake on the shoulder as she walked past him to see what the big rush was. He had been a good soldier since the day she hired him and she would certainly miss having him around every day.

"Ma'am you're needed in the situation room, North Korea seems to be acting up again." Nadine said and handed her a briefing that the President had sent over. "They just couldn't let me enjoy the last few months of this job quietly could they?" She said with sarcasm laced in her voice as she followed her security team out to her car.

After about five hours of debating with the leader of North Korea, Elizabeth finally made her way back to the state department. She walked into the building and was once again greeted by Blake who had a concerned look on his face, "Ma'am your husband is here and has been for the past few hours."

Elizabeth's eyes widened and she looked down at her watch, "Crap." She mumbled to herself before looking up at Blake. "No one comes in my office." She said as walked as fast as she could to her office. She knew this wouldn't turn out well.

Blake stood there confused before shaking his head and walking to his desk. He should be used to this by now.

Daisy and Matt couldn't help but see the exchange and made their way over to Blake's desk, "So what gives?" Daisy asked, eager as always to get the inside scoop on the Secretary's private life.

"Don't you two have something better to do like plan a wedding?" He asked, raising his eyebrows at them.

"Well we would be doing that if Daisy would stop dragging her feet." Matt said as he rolled his eyes, looking over at his fiancé.

"I thought we both said that we would get married once we were done here." She snapped back, crossing his arms and standing up straight.

"We did say that but I figured, you know, plan the wedding while we're still here and then get married right after we leave. I'm not getting any younger you know." He said with a tilt of his head, mimicking her body position.

"Trust me I know." She glared at him.

"Ok well as entertaining as this is I think that we all have some work to attend to." Blake said and clapped his hands together, "So why don't we all go our separate ways."

As Elizabeth stepped into her office she could see Henry sitting in the chair across from her desk, his head in his hands. She closed the door behind her and moved across from him, leaning against the front of her desk.

"Henry I am so sorry. Something came up and I…"

"Forgot to call." He interrupted, looking up at her. He looked so defeated and tired and it made her feel even guiltier than she already had before. "You forgetting me in general seems to happen a lot these days." He said as he looked up at her with the saddest eyes she had ever seen him make.

"Babe, I don't know what to say, I am truly sorry." She said sincerely, moving closer to him as he stood up.

He nodded and reached out to rest his hands on her hips, looking down, before looking back up at her "I know you are but I don't know how much longer I can deal with this." He said softly and rested his forehead on hers, "We need to have a discussion at home." He whispered before making his way out of her office.

Elizabeth swallowed hard as she watched him leave, wanting to chase after him but her legs weren't moving. After a few seconds of just standing there, looking at the door, Elizabeth moved to her desk. As she sat down in her chair, she could feel her eyes build with tears. She cleared her throat quickly and willed the tears away, knowing a breakdown wouldn't help anyone. Soon enough someone would come barging in and the last thing she needed was for her staff to see her like that. They never had in the past six years and she wasn't planning on changing that. She slid her glasses onto her nose and started going through the paperwork on her desk. She was in no rush to go home tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

** A/N: **Sorry for the long wait for this chapter! I am super busy with my classes but am trying to get as many chapters done this weekend as possible since I don't have much HW! Reviews are always welcome! Thanks for reading. I love you all!

**Chapter 2 – No One Ever Said It Would Be This Hard**

As Elizabeth walked into her quiet, dark house, she knew what was coming. It was a conversation Henry and her needed to have years ago. Something they both avoided because of what the consequences could be. Of course she thought that maybe if she came home late she could avoid this whole situation but she knew Henry better. He was up waiting somewhere. She dropped her briefcase on the floor and slipped her nude jacket off, placing it in the closet quickly.

"You're finally home." Henry said softly, smiling a little at her. He knew his wife and he knew that she was trying to avoid this conversation at all costs. This couldn't wait any longer though.

Elizabeth turned around quickly and laughed, "You scared me." She said as she cleared her throat, looking at her husband on the couch. "Should we get this over with?" She asked and took a seat on the chair across from him.

Henry shook his head and laughed, "Of course you would dismiss this whole thing. I don't know why I should have expected anything else."

Elizabeth stared at him for a few seconds before finally blinking, knowing that this wasn't going to end well. "I am not dismissing this whole thing. I just know that it's not going to be pleasant and would rather us just say what we need to and be done with it."

Henry nodded and looked at her, swallowing thickly "Fine. I think we need to separate for a bit." He said coldly, moving his eyes to hers. This is what she wanted. For them to just say what needed to be said and to Henry this was something that needed to happen.

Elizabeth couldn't believe what was happening. Deep down she felt that this is what would happen but she hoped that she was just being paranoid and eventually everything would work out as usual. "Henry, please just listen to me for a second." She pleaded with him.

Henry nodded and leaned forward on his knees, resting his hands under his chin "Ok."

Elizabeth sighed and looked away for a second, her eyes filling with tears. This was her worst fear and she felt like it was all her fault. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to get this bad and I should have spoken up years ago." She whispered, fearing that if she spoke louder she would start sobbing. "I would have quit." She said sincerely and nodded at him. "I told you that before."

Henry sighed and looked down for a second, running his hands over his face quickly "I could have never asked you to do that even if you told me to. You would have resented me." He was right. No matter what she said about quitting her job before if he had actually asked her too she would have always felt like she missed out. As much as she wanted to be wrong about that fact, deep down she knew he was right. He always was.

Elizabeth stood up and looked down at him, clearing her throat "Ok. I guess it's settled then. We'll figure out where we're each going to stay in the morning." She leaned down to kiss his head gently and let her lips linger for a second, "Goodnight." She whispered before starting to make her way to their bedroom.

As she kissed his head, Henry closed his eyes, wiping away a tear that had made its way down his cheek. What had happened to them? He knew that they both loved each other still but they weren't happy. He wasn't sure if they would be again. He sighed softly before getting up and started making a bed for himself on the couch.

Elizabeth made her way up to their bedroom quickly, shutting the door behind her. She leaned back on the door and closed her eyes, trying to choke back the sobs that were threatening to spill out. She knew that Henry most likely couldn't hear her all the way downstairs but she didn't want him to hear her like this. To him she was someone who didn't care about them anymore but that was the farthest thing from the truth. She did care. He was everything to her for over 30 years and she couldn't imagine a life without him in it. She slumped to the floor slowly and brought her knees up to her chest, starting to sob against them.

As the sun came up Henry and Elizabeth woke slowly, neither getting much sleep. How could they? This was the first time since they had been married that they weren't going to be together.

Elizabeth rolled onto her side, facing where Henry would usually sleep and blinked a few times. This was something she would have to get used to, waking up without him. She got out of bed and moved to the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror. "God you look terrible." She said to herself, starting to freshen up. Thank god it was the weekend. The last thing she wanted was to go to work in this state.

After cleaning herself up she made her way downstairs and into the kitchen, making herself a bowl of cereal. She wasn't in the mood for a big breakfast. She heard Henry moving in the living room but decided to just leave him. They said their peace last night and she figured it was better to just leave it at that.

Henry made his way into the kitchen and ran a hand over his face, deciding on just a bowl of cereal himself. "Morning." He said groggily and started eating. This day was going to be hard enough for the both of them and he wanted it to be as civil as possible. After a few seconds he cleared his throat, "I got a hotel room for a week. That should give me enough time to figure out where I'm going to stay." He said and Elizabeth just nodded, playing with the cereal that was left in her bowl. She suddenly wasn't hungry anymore.

She looked up at him, "Maybe in a week when we figure everything out between us then we can tell the kids. They should know sooner rather than later. They'll be mad if we keep it from them." She said and looked back down at her cereal. Henry nodded and moved over to the sink to wash out his bowl. To be honest he had forgotten that the kids had no idea what was going on and it just made everything harder. "I'll just go back some stuff to hold me for a week." He said softly as he made his way upstairs. The quicker this happened the better it was.

Elizabeth watched him move upstairs and started at the staircase for a few seconds before moving to start doing the dishes in the sink. She didn't want to think about the fact that her and her husband were about to officially become separated.

Elizabeth was able to keep her mind off of what was coming until she heard Henry walk down the stairs. That's when the flood gates finally opened. She rested her hands against the edge of the sink and silently let a few tears roll down her cheeks.

Henry saw Elizabeth at the sink and swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. He walked over to her and ran a hand over her back gently, no matter what they were going through he hated seeing her like this.

"Hey." He said softly, urging her to turn around.

Once she complied he took her cheeks in his hands and smiled a little at her, "You know this might not be the end right? If we can work through this then we'll come out on the other side stronger." He said and rested his forehead on hers, trying to convince himself that this wasn't the end. Just a bump in the road.

She sniffled a little and nodded, locking her eyes with his "You know I love you right?" She asked tearfully.

Now it was Henry's turn to let the tears flow and he kept his head pressed against hers as they both let their emotions out. Neither wanting to let go just yet.

"I love you too." He was finally able to get out as he pressed his lips against hers a few times tenderly before pulling back. Elizabeth kissed him back each time and wiped her cheeks as she watched him grab his bag,

"I have to go." He said solemnly as he looked back at her.

"I know." Elizabeth said as she sniffled, following him to the doorway. "Text me and let know you're ok."

Henry nodded, "I will." He made his way out of the house and into the car waiting for him. He gave the driver the address to the hotel and watched out the window as the car drove away. Hopefully one day they would be back together and living there but until then he would have to figure out where he would call home.

As Elizabeth watched the car drive away she blew out a breath of air she didn't even know she was holding in. She wiped at her tear stain cheeks and went over to Henry's desk, sitting in the chair. She ran a hand over her face before noticing a post-it note sticking on the computer with a message on it.

_Remember, distance makes the heart grow fonder. Love always, Henry._


	3. Chapter 3

**CH. 3 The Kids Will Be Alright**

Henry and Elizabeth sat across from their three children in silence, neither knowing where to begin. It was rare that they could get all of their children home on the same weekend. Stevie was married and pregnant, Alison was finishing up her senior year of college at NYU, and Jason was almost finished with his freshman year of college at the University of Virginia. They hadn't told the kids why they wanted them to come home because they felt that it was better to tell them this in person.

"The only reason I can think of for you guys calling us all home on the same weekend is that one or both of you are dying." Jason piped in, trying to break the awkward silence in the room.

"Jason knock it off." Alison glared at him, she was always still the sensitive one.

Stevie just rolled her eyes and sighed, "You know I have a husband to get back to so can we please just get on with this."

"Some things never change." Henry mumbled and Elizabeth smacked his arm gently. Even though they were on the brink of divorce they tended to act the same way they did in the past.

"Your father and I are separated." Elizabeth blurted out, not wanting to drag this out any longer.

Stevie and Alison looked at each other before starting to laugh loudly, "Good one." Stevie managed to get out, looking at her brother who wasn't laughing.

"If you guys pulled me away from my college life for this joke then I am going to be very upset." Alison said, finally able to stop her laughter. "You two can't keep your hands off of each other. It's actually disgusting. So what's the real reason you brought us home?"

Jason knew this wasn't a joke though. He was the last McCord kid to leave the house and noticed a change in his parent's behavior before he left for school. They weren't the same lovey dovey couple that they had all grown up with. "They're not kidding." Jason whispered before looking away.

Henry and Elizabeth looked at each other sadly for a second before looking back at the kids, "Oh my god. You're not kidding!" Stevie yelled and stood up from the couch quickly, holding her growing belly in one hand and her head in the other. She started pacing the floor, clearly getting worked up. Her hormones had been everywhere lately and this was not helping her situation.

Elizabeth sighed and stood up, placing her hand on Stevie's back "Honey, calm down. You don't want the baby stressed." She said softly, hoping she could calm her eldest child.

"Are you kidding me mom?" Stevie choked out and looked at her mother through tears. "You and dad are like the couple from the Notebook who are supposed to die together in the end. Not the parents who have a mid-life crisis and decide that they don't want to be together anymore." She pulled away from her mother and threw her hands in the air, "When I was younger I always looked at you two as the model couple. I may not have shown it or said it was gross at times but deep down I wanted to find love like you two had. So now all I am going to think is that love is complete shit." She glared at her mom, wiping the tears under her eyes.

Henry stood up and moved so he was between Elizabeth and Stevie, "Stevie we are still trying to work things out, it's complicated."

Stevie waved her hand in front of Henry and laughed bitterly, "As usual you are going to defend her even if this is all her fault to begin with."

"Stevie cut it out!" Henry said shortly, sighing as he heard Alison start crying behind him. He knew this was going to hurt the kids but he wished that they could protect them.

"Come on guys. Let's go back to my house." Stevie said softly as she moved past her parents, going to her siblings.

As the kids started walking to the door, Elizabeth ran after them "Guys we're sorry. We're still trying to work things out ok? We're not just going to give up on each other that easily." She said as she felt her own eyes water.

"Don't…" Stevie said before she slammed the door shut as she left with her brother and sister. Elizabeth let out a shaky breath before turning around to look at Henry, "Well that sucked." She whispered and kept her eyes on his.

He nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking down at the floor. Elizabeth could tell he was upset but was just hiding it for her sake like he always did. She moved over to him and wrapped her arms around him, burying her nose in his shoulder as he hugged her back. "The kids will be ok." She said into his ear, stroking the back of his neck gently.

Henry nodded and ran his hand over her back gently, taking in her scent. He missed her more than ever. All he wanted to do was tell her that he made a mistake and that he couldn't live without her. He knew that rushing back together right now would be a mistake though. He felt that they would just fall into the same pattern they had been in.

Henry pulled back and looked down at her with a small smile, "I give it about a week and then the kids will start talking to us again." Elizabeth nodded and smiled sadly at him, "I know. I just wish they weren't hurting too."

Henry nodded and ran his hands over her arms quickly, "I know but we knew this would happen." He looked at the clock and then back at her, "I should probably get going. It's getting late." He said softly, moving to grab her jacket, "Why don't you stay for dinner? I was just going to order some Chinese."

Henry looked at her for a second before nodding, "You know I could never pass that up."

Elizabeth nodded, trying to conceal a smile that showed just how happy she was with him staying "I'll go order then." She said as she made her way to the kitchen to get the menu.

Henry watched as she left the room and sat down on the couch shaking his head. Maybe spending some time together once in a while would bring them back to the place they were just a few short years ago. He knew that even if things didn't work out for them, they would never be able to quit each other.

_A/N: Long time no see! Sorry for the long wait I am just crazy busy with things in my life right now. I hope that people are still interested in this story because if so then I will continue to update...So please leave me some reviews! :)_


	4. Chapter 4

**CH 4: When I Look at You**

This was it. This was the end. Elizabeth McCord's time as Secretary of State was ending along with President Dalton's time in office. This was a day that made Elizabeth both relieved and sad. Relieved because she would finally have a break and could do whatever she wanted with her life. Write a book, go back to teaching, retire on some island, the possibilities were endless in her head. Though retiring on an island was winning right now. She was sad because she wasn't sure if she could include Henry in any of these plans and she had to say goodbye to the staff she grew to love. When she first took the role of Secretary of State she had talked at length with Henry about their plans for retirement but now that seemed like it was all a waste. Anything that they had planned was now in jeopardy because of their current predicament. Elizabeth looked at the clock on her desk, frowning a little. It was almost time to head out of the office for the last time and celebrate a successful term in office later at the presidential ball. Of course Henry said he would come with her since they hadn't publicly announced their separation and as much as she wanted him there it hurt at the same time. Henry was pretty much friends with everyone and decided that it wouldn't hurt for him to be there. At least she would have an awesome dance partner all night.

Elizabeth slipped off her glasses and picked up the phone on her desk, calling Nadine and having her gather the staff in their usual meeting room. After about ten minutes she grabbed the bottle of champagne she had hidden under her desk and made her way down to where the staff was. She hid it behind her back and walked into the room, smiling at them.

"Well here we are…we made it!" She said enthusiastically, laughing a little "Now let's be honest, who didn't think this day would ever come?" She smiled and looked at them, "I just wanted to say that I am proud of all we have accomplished together and this term would not have been successful without each and every one of you. For that I am thankful." She could tell that some of the staff was getting a little emotional and she had to swallow the own lump forming in her throat. Even though she inherited this staff and the beginning was a little rocky for them, they had been through a lot together. Both good and bad. She shook her head and laughed, "Enough of this sappy crap, let's celebrate!" She said and pulled out the bottle of champagne, popping the cork.

Blake brought over the glasses and she shook her head, "Loyal until the end I see." Blake had been the one staff member she could always trust and would do anything for her. She would miss him the most. Blake nodded and smiled widely at her, "Of course ma'am."

As all of the staff members chatted and sipped on some champagne she had requested that her inner circle stay for a few minutes after she dismissed the rest of her staff. She needed to give them a special gift for helping her through her term.

She nodded at the staff as they left the room, hugging some as they came over to her. Once they were all gone she crossed her arms and looked at Nadine, Matt, Daisy, Blake, and Jay. She looked down for a second and swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat, "I thought this would be easier to be honest." She said through blurred vision and looked back at her staff. Even though she loved everyone who worked in her office this group of five people had stuck with through thick and thin, standing by her when they thought that maybe they shouldn't.

"I just thought that you guys all deserved something special for the years of work that you gave this department and to me. I know that sometimes it wasn't easy and sometimes I was a pain in the ass." They all laughed together which broke the sadness that was starting to form over them. Blake handed her a box for each of them including one for himself. She handed them out and shrugged, "While it might be cliché I thought that you could all use it." She had gotten them all a rose gold watch with the date of her first day in office and the date of her last day engraved in them with the words _"Remember those times we changed the world"_. This would be the last time that any of them were in this building again. They were all moving on to bigger and better things.

As the staff looked at their watches with frowns, Elizabeth shook her head and smiled "Oh, stop. You're not going to miss each other that much." She teased and winked at them. She knew this group was close and hopefully they would all stay in touch.

"So I know that this isn't your thing but…" Matt said, rising from his seat with the rest of the staff. "Group hug!" He yelled and they all ran towards her, wrapping their arms around each other. Elizabeth laughed loudly and could feel the tears starting to form again but didn't fight them this time. They held onto each other for a few minutes before they broke up, wiping their eyes.

"Alright guys, go out and do good things in this world." She said as she dismissed them for the last time. They would all see each other again tonight at the ball but it was different. She would never dismiss them from work again.

They all left with their arms wrapped around each other but she knew that Blake would stay until she left even if she tried and forced him out now.

As she made it back to her office she went to her desk and sat behind it for what would be the last time. She looked around for a few minutes just soaking in everything and thinking of everything she had accomplished. She was one of the top rated Secretary of State's and she was proud of that fact. Soon they would hang her picture up on the walls with everyone who came before her and she couldn't have asked for a better career. She sighed and nodded to herself, going over to her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. She walked over to the door and looked behind her one last time before shutting off the lights to her office.

"You had a good run." She whispered to herself before walking out of her office and nodded to Blake, "See you later kid." She smiled and winked at him.

"You too ma'am." He said thickly, clearly still emotional.

* * *

When she arrived back home all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for the next week. Unfortunately, she still had to get ready for ball later and had no time to relax. She opened the door and smiled a little when she saw Henry, standing at his desk.

"Well you're early." She teased and placed her bag down on the ground.

"I thought that you would need someone here for your last day." He said and went over to her, wrapping his arms around her.

She nodded and accepted the hug, resting her head against his chest "Thank you." She whispered to him.

She pulled back and looked up at him after a few seconds, biting her lip gently "I have to go get ready." She rushed up the stairs and closed the bedroom door behind her. Sometimes Henry would just make being separated harder than it already was and confusing. He was still always there for her, just like he always was. Except they were possibly not going to be together and she needed to get used to that idea.

She pulled her dress from the closet and took it with her to the bathroom, starting to get ready for the night.

Henry watched as she made her way up the stairs and ran his hands over his face. He was starting to regret being separated from her. Maybe tonight he would just tell her to forget it all and they could work on themselves now that she was done with work. He just didn't know what he should do anymore. He looked at his watch and went over to where his tux was hanging, deciding he should start getting ready too.

Once Henry was done getting ready he made his way to the couch and sat down as he waited for Elizabeth to finish. About a half hour later he heard Elizabeth walk down the stairs and stood up to meet her.

His eyes widened when he saw her and he cleared his throat quickly, "You look nice." He said and smiled softly at her. She was wearing a long, form fitting, purple gown that looked perfect on her. Her blonde hair cascading over her shoulders.

"Thank you." She said shyly, not meeting his gaze. She grabbed her clutch and cell phone, "The car is waiting outside." She said coldly as she walked past him and outside. She did not want to end up being more hurt than she already was.

"Well this will be fun." Henry mumbled to himself and followed her outside quickly.

* * *

The car ride to the ball was tension filled and silent, something that neither of them were used to. As the car pulled up to the white house she looked over at Henry and sighed, "Let's just pretend we're a happy couple for the night." She said and got out of the car, grabbing his hand when he got out to follow her. She could tell by his face that he was not happy with her. Since they had been together for so long she knew that tonight would either end in tears, a fight, them mutually separating for good, or all of the above.

They waved to reporters and Elizabeth smiled when she got into the ballroom as she spotted the President. She hugged him tightly and pulled back to look at him, "Well it has been a crazy ride together. Thank you for everything." She said sincerely and placed her hands on his arms.

"No, thank you Bess. I would have never made it two terms without you." He nodded to her before shaking Henry's hand.

Elizabeth looked at Henry before motioning for them to go sit with her staff. Pretty much every head of the government departments were there, along with their closest staff. They just needed to play pretend for one night because the last thing she needed for her and her family was to be the subject of D.C. gossip. They had avoided it for thing long and she was planning to avoid it after her term too.

The whole night they acted like the normal, happy couple they always seemed to be in the public eye. They would hold each other's hands, kiss if the time called for it, and dance like pro ball room dancers. They had been called D.C.'s sweethearts many times before and she knew that if they actually were to get a divorce the press would be all over them.

* * *

After a long night they walked into the house and Elizabeth ran a hand over face, "This day has been too long. Good night Henry." She said and turned around to walk up the stairs. She didn't want to spend any more time with him then she had to. Being around him tonight and acting like the perfect couple was already too much for her to handle.

Henry glared at her figure as she made her was up the stairs, was she serious? No thank you for attending the ball with her. She had been acting cold all night and he had no idea what had gotten into her. He was determined to find out though.

Elizabeth started getting dressed and sighed when she heard the door open to the bedroom. Her attempts at avoiding Henry for the rest of the night.

"Henry, I'm tired and just want to go to bed." She looked over at him, slipping her boxers up her body.

"All I want to know is why you have been shutting me out all night?" He asked and crossed his arms over his chest, not leaving until he had an answer.

"Because Henry I am sick of acting like this happy couple and you don't help things by being here all the time!" She spat back, placing her hands on her hips.

He furrowed his brow and laughed a little, "Are you kidding me? You're the one who asked me to come with you tonight!"

"Well from now on consider yourself free of husband duties." She said bitterly, waving her hands in front of him.

He moved closer and looked down at her, raising his eyebrow "Elizabeth, this isn't like you, tell me what's going on." He said, softening his tone a little. He could tell that something was bothering her and wanted to make sure that she was ok. He did care about her still.

Elizabeth looked up at him with wide eyes and whispered, "Henry, please leave."

The truth was that she still loved Henry and always would. She was pretty sure that he knew it too. She stared at him for a few seconds and before she knew it she had thrown herself at him, pressing her lips forcefully against hers.

She pulled back suddenly and shook her head, "Oh god, I'm sorry!" She said, embarrassed. That was a terrible idea. She started walking to the bathroom and was pulled back by Henry, who started kissing her hungrily. Any thoughts of regretting this later were now gone from her head.

She kissed him back with the same amount of passion, moving her lips against his skillfully. After years of marriage they had perfected the kissing thing. She tangled her fingers in his hair, pulling him closer to her. After a few minutes of them kissing in the middle of the bedroom she pulled back and rested her forehead against his, looking into his eyes.

Henry ran his hands down to her hips, breathing a little heavier than before. He kept his eyes on hers, words seemed to be escaping them both.

"Take me to bed." She said softly to him, taking his hand and leading him over to the side of the bed that they had spent so much time in together.

After discovering each other for the first time again in a long time, Elizabeth rolled off of Henry, panting heavily.

She laid back on the pillows, resting her hand on his chest "Well that was unexpected." She said with a laugh, looking up at the ceiling.

"Definitely but I'm not complaining about it." He said with a light chuckle, looking over at her.

Elizabeth was silent for a few minutes before biting her lip gently. She had no idea where they would go from here and was worried that this was just going to end up being some type of closure for them. All she wanted right now was to work things out and go back to their old selves. For now though, she wasn't going to stress about it. She just wanted to revel in the afterglow of their lovemaking and be in his arms.

She rolled over to Henry and snuggled up in his arm, a place she fit so perfectly "Goodnight." She said softly, running her hand over his chest.

"Goodnight Elizabeth." He whispered back, happy to have her in his arms once again.

_A/N: Here is chapter 4! Please enjoy. Also reviews are greatly appreciated so I know you're still reading! There are probably only 2 more chapters left in this fic!_


	5. Chapter 5

**CH 5: You Make Me What I'm Worth**

Elizabeth stared at the wall in front of her, blinking a few times. She hated this, talking to strangers about her feelings was not something she enjoyed doing. It took her six sessions to finally talk to her last therapist when she was suffering from PTSD and she had a feeling it was going to be even worse now. She wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Henry asking her to come so they could try and work things out. They were still on the rocks a little after their little rendezvous a few days back but she felt like they were getting better. They were talking more and spending more time together but they still had a long way to go before they were back to their old selves.

Henry looked over at Elizabeth and could tell that she wasn't happy about being there. She wasn't the type to just sit and talk about her feelings. He was the only one she would open up to and that was usually after he convinced her to talk to him. He had been the one to ask her to come to this and she had agreed after some negotiation. He knew that she would have rather stayed home and tried to talk things out by themselves but he knew that would never work. They needed someone on the outside to tell them the truth about themselves.

"Mr. and Mrs. McCord? You can come back now." A short woman with a soft voice pulled both of them from their thoughts. They both stood up in unison and followed her back to a tiny room with a couch waiting for them.

"Dr. Mason will be in shortly." The woman said as the two sat down, staying silent. Elizabeth felt awkward and uncomfortable and Henry didn't know what to say to her.

Elizabeth sighed and looked over at Henry, "I hope this works." She said sincerely, keeping her eyes on his. She wanted so badly to be with him again fully but they had so many kinks to work out in their marriage that she hoped an outside perspective could help them.

Henry smiled at her and ran his thumb over her cheek, "Me too." He pulled back when the therapist came in, leaning back against the couch. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, squeezing it a little for support. He knew that things were going to come out between them that neither wanted to hear but he knew that they needed to hear them.

"Welcome Mr. and Mrs. McCord. My name is Dr. Mason." The pretty brunette woman smiled at them warmly, "I just want you both to know that this is a safe space and whatever is said in our sessions will never leave this room."

Elizabeth nodded and felt her nerves ease a bit when Henry rubbed her shoulder. He had to know she was stressed about this and she was happy that even though they were in this situation that he was still there for her.

"So who wants to start?" Dr. Mason asked, looking at both of them.

"Aren't you supposed to ask us questions or something?" Elizabeth asked, catching the face Henry made at her. "Sorry." She mumbled under her breath.

Henry cleared his throat and leaned forward, running his hands over his face "Well there really isn't much to say. I guess a few years back we kind of became distant from one another. If you knew us before Elizabeth became Secretary of State you would have thought we were the perfect couple but it turns out we weren't."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes at his statement and looked away. This didn't happen because she became Secretary of State, this happened because neither of them fought for their relationship.

"Elizabeth?" Dr. Mason looked at Elizabeth, noticing that she was clearly annoyed. "Would you like to say something?"

Elizabeth sighed and looked over at Henry, "I know he blames all of this on me but the real reason that this marriage fell apart was because neither of us cared." She wasn't sure where this burst of honesty was coming from, probably the years of tension between them.

Henry looked over at Elizabeth with his mouth open a bit, shocked at her response "I didn't care?" He asked, shaking his head "What about _all_ of those times I tried to get you to go on vacation or come home from work a little early so we could spend time together. Was that not trying?" He asked, feeling his face get red as he clenched his teeth.

Elizabeth whipped her head around and glared at Henry, "I told you when I first took this job that if it threatened what we had I would have quit. Henry I would have quit for you!" She said with tears in her eyes. "You didn't say anything though! You know me and you should have known of all people that in my head I thought everything was fine." She said in a voice higher than her usual one, clearly getting upset with where this conversation was going.

"Elizabeth…" Henry said, slightly calmer than before. "You and I both know that it has been different between us the past few years, you had to have felt that."

Elizabeth blinked a few times and nodded, "I know it has Henry but like I said, neither of us fought to change that." She sat back on the couch and crossed her arms, looking at the therapist in front of them.

Henry knew she had a point and glanced over at her as she sat back. He saw her mouth twitch a little and her eyes water, clearly fighting the urge to cry in front of Dr. Mason. He reached over when she placed her hand down on the couch, running his fingers lightly over hers. As much as they were both hurting, seeing her in pain was always the worst feeling in the world to him.

Elizabeth swallowed hard as Henry placed his hand on hers, trying to fight the urge to breakdown. She noticed that Dr. Mason had been taking notes and she wondered what she thought of them.

"We're a mess right?" Elizabeth asked with a small laugh, wiping at her eyes.

"I wouldn't call you guys a mess." Dr. Mason said with her own laugh, "But clearly you both have some issues you need to figure out together or separately. One thing is clear though, and usually I can't say this after one session, but you still love each other."

Elizabeth nodded and looked down at their hands, wrapping her fingers around his. She squeezed them lightly and looked up at him, glad that he was looking back at her with the same eyes he always had just for her.

"So before we end our session I want to talk about you intimacy levels. Could you describe what it was like before these problems and what it has been like recently?" Elizabeth's eyes widened as Dr. Mason asked the questopn. She was pretty sure that the therapist wouldn't be too happy with the fact that they had just had sex a few days ago without figuring out if they were even going to get back together.

Henry laughed a little at Elizabeth's face, knowing she did not like to talk about her sex life, ever.

"Not funny." Elizabeth snapped at Henry before turning to Dr. Mason, clearing her throat. "Our, um, sex life had always been good. Even up until a few years ago it was…good."

Henry smirked at how comfortable Elizabeth was and shook his head, "She's right. It was very good." He nodded and bit his lip, "We actually just had sex a few days ago. It wasn't planned, it just kind of happened."

Dr. Mason nodded and looked at them, "Ok, but I'm going to give you two some advice and it's up to you whether you follow it or not. I am going to say to not have sex again until you have figured everything out because feelings can and will get hurt especially if things do not work out. Hopefully, things will work out though." She said with a smile before standing up to shake both of their hands.

Elizabeth and Henry followed suit and shook her hand before walking out of her office and to the car silently. They both got in and Henry started driving back to their house.

Elizabeth stared out the window as they made their way back, her mind running through everything they had talked about. Was It all her fault or did they both have fault? She kept asking herself these questions and she wondered what Henry thought.

As they pulled up to the house they both got out and Elizabeth looked over at Henry, "Can you come in to talk for a bit?" She asked, looking up at him.

He nodded and followed her up their stairs to their townhouse, walking inside with her.

Elizabeth went over to the couch and sat down, running her hands over her face. Henry sat next to her and ran his hand over her back gently, "Are you ok?" He asked softly, continuing to run his hand up and down her back. He knew that Elizabeth was probably still stressed about having to see the therapist and would be until they stopped going.

She shook her head and looked at him, her eyes filled with tears again "I'm sorry." She whimpered, wrapping her arms around him and nuzzling her face against his neck. "This is my fault." She said softly, holding herself close to him.

Henry sighed and wrapped his arms fully around her, "It's not all your fault." He said against her head, kissing it gently. "I should have said something earlier." He whispered, closing his eyes.

Once Elizabeth calmed down she pulled back, wiping her eyes. She looked at Henry and bit her lip, placing her hands in his "We'll work this out. I promise." She said sincerely, looking into his eyes. "I am nothing without you and I will do everything that I can to make sure we work through this."

Henry nodded and smiled a little at her, "Me too." He leaned in to kiss her gently and pulled back, running a thumb over her cheek. "I'm going to head out. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll be waiting." She said as she watched him go.

_A/N: Probably only one more chapter to go! Again, reviews make me know you're reading and make me want to keep writing! _


	6. Chapter 6

**CH. 6: I See the Truth**

Elizabeth sat in the waiting room of the hospital, resting her hand under her chin as she stared blankly at the wall. Stevie had gone into labor but there were some complications and she was now having an emergency C-section. She heard footsteps running down the hallway and lifted her head to see Henry coming towards her. She got up and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him close to her.

"She's going to be ok." Henry whispered against her head, kissing her hair softly.

Elizabeth nodded and pulled back, looking at him "I know." She said, leaning up to peck his lips gently. "I just hate that she's still mad at us."

Henry nodded and led her back to one of the chairs, sitting next to her "I know that Dr. Mason said we shouldn't tell the kids about us getting back together until we're done therapy and officially back together but I think we could tell them we're working on our relationship. That might help them forgive us."

Elizabeth nodded and ran her hand over his cheek, "That's probably a good idea." She smiled a little at him, unaware of their two youngest children watching them from around the corner.

Alison looked at Jason confused and shook her head, "Do you think they're going to get back together?" She asked her younger brother.

"If you guys seriously thought that they would last longer than 5 seconds without each other then you really are idiots." He told her, holding his shoulder as Alison punched him, "You're such a jerk!"

Elizabeth spun her head around when she heard the familiar voices of her two children, narrowing her eyes at them "Really?" She asked, figuring they had been there for at least a few minutes.

"Hi mom and dad!" Alison said, running into her mother's arms.

"Hi noddle." Elizabeth said with a small laugh, kissing her head gently.

Henry hugged his son and smiled at Alison, "Glad you guys told us you were coming home." He said, flicking his son in the head.

"How's Stevie?" Alison asked her mom, keeping her arms wrapped around her.

"She's ok. You two should have a niece and nephew in a few minutes." She said, running her hand over her daughter's hair.

"And you two will be grandparents soon." Jason teased his parents and Henry laughed, "Right now I'm kind of wishing you stayed at school for the summer."

Elizabeth saw Stevie's husband, Jake, start walking down the hallway and her stomach sank, what if something did happen? As soon as he smiled she felt all worry leave her. "It's a girl!" He said happily and Elizabeth could feel her eyes immediately water. Henry wrapped his arm around her and looked down at her, his eyes filling with tears to match hers.

"Come meet your granddaughter." Jake said as he led Henry and Elizabeth to the room.

Elizabeth placed her hands over her mouth as she saw the little girl wrapped in a pink blanket on Stevie's chest. It felt just like yesterday that the roles were reversed and she was holding Stevie in her arms like that.

Elizabeth walked over with Henry close behind and leaned down, kissing her new granddaughter's head "Hi sweetie." She said softly to the baby.

Stevie smiled at her parents and passed the baby to her mom, "Meet your granddaughter, Taylor Elizabeth."

Elizabeth could feel her eyes instantly fill with tears again and she swallowed a lump in her throat, enjoying the feel of Henry rubbing her back. She kept the baby close against her chest, swaying back and forth with her "You are going to be the most spoiled little girl on the planet." She said, smiling down at her.

Henry smiled down at the little girl in his wife's arms and couldn't believe that his own children were starting to have kids. It seemed like yesterday that his little daddy's girl was just coming into the world.

"Say hi to your grandpa." Elizabeth said softly and placed the tiny girl in her husband's arms. Henry took her happily and bounced a little as the baby started falling asleep. Jason and Alison moved over to where their father was, admiring their new niece.

Elizabeth moved over to her daughter's bed and smiled down at her, pushing her hair out of her face. "How are you feeling?" Elizabeth asked, still worried about Stevie's wellbeing.

"Sore." Stevie said with a small laugh, looking up at her mom. "How did you do this three times?"

Elizabeth laughed and took her daughter's hand in hers, "I'm really not sure. Your dad just kept convincing me to have more."

"Well I'm glad he did. I've come to love those two brats." She teased, looking over at her siblings.

She looked back at her mom and smiled a little sadly, "How are you and dad doing?"

Elizabeth shrugged and stroked her daughter's hair gently, "We're ok. We're working on things."

Stevie nodded and closed her eyes, "Better than nothing I guess."

Elizabeth nodded and leaned down to kiss her cheek, "Don't worry about us. Worry about yourself and get some rest."

Stevie nodded at her mom and looked at her brother and sister, "Give her back. I already miss her." She said, laughing as Jason pouted a little. "I just got her." He said, giving up the baby reluctantly.

Henry laughed and shook his head, "Come on guys. Let's leave your sister alone and we'll grab some ice cream." He walked over to Stevie, kissing her head gently.

Elizabeth wrapped her arms around her other two children, "We'll see you guys tomorrow." She said as she left the room.

Elizabeth was happy to arrive home after she got ice cream with the kids and they departed to their friends' houses. It seemed like any time the kids came home from school they would just want to visit their friends' houses and not their parents. She was fine with it though, the kids exhausted her at times.

Henry followed Elizabeth into the house and she turned around to look at him, "Are you staying?" She asked, starting to walk upstairs. Henry had been staying over more often but they were trying to follow Dr. Mason's rule of no sex until they were back together for good. He nodded and locked the door behind him, following her to the bedroom.

Elizabeth started getting changed and looked over at Henry, trying to divert her eyes as he slipped off his shirt. She crawled into bed and smiled at him as he crawled in next to her. "No matter what was or is going on between us we did well with the kids." She said sweetly and smiled at him.

Henry nodded and rolled onto his side, looking at her "We did. They didn't grow into serial killers or drug addicts."

Elizabeth laughed and shook her head, "We set those standards high."

"In all seriousness though, can you believe we're grandparents? I think that makes us officially old." He said, moving to run his hand up and down her side.

Elizabeth pouted a little and made puppy dog eyes at him, "I don't want to be old."

Henry laughed and leaned in to kiss her gently, "Sorry babe, I can't control that."

Elizabeth smiled at him as he kept his lips close to hers, leaning in to kiss him again. Henry smirked a little against her lips as she kissed him back, taking that as a sign to deepen the kiss. Elizabeth sighed softly and ran her hands through his hair, encouraging him to continue. Henry pulled back and looked down at Elizabeth, smiling a little at her "You're so beautiful." He whispered and she smiled back at him, "So are you." She said with a small laugh, running his hand over the back of his head as he moved his lips to her neck. "I love you." He whispered against her skin and Elizabeth closed her eyes, moving from underneath him.

He looked at her confused and she shook her head, waving her hand in front of him "Henry, I can't do this unless it means that we are definitely getting back together. If we continue like this and something happens where we can't move on I won't recover. I need to know whether or not you have decided because you know what my decision is already." She looked up at him, scared that she was about to be rejected from her husband.

Henry sighed and looked away from her for a second before running his hand over her cheek, "I wouldn't do this to you if I didn't want to get back together with you. Elizabeth, that's all I want right now. I know Dr. Mason says we shouldn't decide until we're fully done with our sessions but she doesn't know us. We're not perfect but us being together is the closest thing to perfect we're going to get. I can't live without you. Maybe I wasn't happy for a few years and thought that I could find happiness somewhere else but I can't. I was miserable without you. I need you." He said honestly, keeping his eyes on her bright blue ones.

Elizabeth smiled up at him with teary eyes, "I love you too." She whispered, attaching her lips back to his heatedly.

* * *

About a month later the whole family was back together for dinner. Elizabeth had missed family dinners and it was rare that she could get all of the kids together for the same weekend. The last time they had called the kids together it was to announce they were separated. Tonight would be a little different.

"Now I know mom didn't make this." Jason teased, pointing to his plate of food as he continued to chow down.

"Even if I didn't which we all know that I didn't. I am feeding you for free so be quiet." Elizabeth piped back, it was no secret that she was no great cook.

"Anyway it's the effort that counts. Your mom tried to cook before you guys go here and after that didn't work out I went to the takeout place down the street. It was a joint effort." He said, smiling at Elizabeth.

"It was." She said as she leaned in to kiss him.

The kids all looked at each other confused and Stevie cleared her throat, "So does this mean…?"

"Yes, we're back together." Elizabeth smiled, reaching for Henry's hand.

Alison breathed a sigh of relief and Stevie shook her head, "Please don't do that again."

"Like I said, you two were the idiots believing that they would stay apart." Jason smirked at them.

"Really? You can't just be happy for us, you have to add something smart?" Henry glared at his son.

"Sorry." Jason mumbled, keeping his eyes on his food.

"And we have something else to announce…" Elizabeth said, squeezing Henry's hand.

"I'm retiring for good and we're moving back to the horse farm. Luckily for us it was up for sale again." He said, smiling at the kids. "You all are going to be moved out permanently soon and we don't want to stay in D.C. It's too loud and busy for us. We want to enjoy retired life somewhere peaceful."

"I'm sure I'll get bored and venture into something new but for now I'm content with just riding some horses and being with your father." Elizabeth said, running her finger over the back of Henry's hand.

This was the first time in years that she knew they would be happy and content for the rest of their lives…together.

_The End_

_A/N: Sorry for the delay on the last chapter but I've been busy and lazy! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. I am starting a new story and hopefully I will have the first chapter up by next week. Here's a little tease… "After a death in the family Elizabeth's niece, Katie, has to move into the McCord home." Stay tuned! _


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